Read it all the way to the end and was disappointed when I ran out of story. Was shocked by the attack thing. I'm a new sub and this is the first one I have read and I now want to read the rest, so nice work by you!
-People reply to the email notifications instead of commenting? I didn't even know you could do that!
-Why is it “Arch/Eternal” but the image is “Arc/Eternal” ?
-Maybe I’m a bit slower than other readers, but it took me a reread of the first little bit to understand what was happening. I think simply adding this to the beginning would help. Instead of:
"People keep saying, “What’s the problem? You’re a writer, aren’t you?” Yeah, I am…"
You could consider adding something like:
"People keep saying, “Hey Esther, what’s the problem? You’re a writer, aren’t you?” Yeah, I am…”
THAT way I would immediately know we are in her head without any friction at all.
-Also I really like Esther
-Is Adam based on….you?
-Two doctorates in Philosophy is a very fun detail that made me think way too much about all the great combinaseans that he may have done.
-Esther and Adam’s childhood sounds like a dream. No joke. This is what I always dreamed of but my parent’s couldn’t handle it. Such missed opportunity.
-Dour is the word of the week - thanks!
-Honestly kinda disappointed K&K didn’t become pro dancers immediately instead of more traditional boring athletes
-What a great story for getting banned from a team. Holy, I feel like I wasted my time in intramurals now
Good idea -- it’s probably a good idea to signal in some way right at the outset that the narrator has changed.
Adam is NOT me. Sheesh.
I liked how Esther’s somewhat idyllic childhood compared to Jackson’s tragic one. And if you suspect that the dramatic trajectories sort of cross each other, you might be onto something.
Read it all the way to the end and was disappointed when I ran out of story. Was shocked by the attack thing. I'm a new sub and this is the first one I have read and I now want to read the rest, so nice work by you!
Thank you! This is the dream :)
-People reply to the email notifications instead of commenting? I didn't even know you could do that!
-Why is it “Arch/Eternal” but the image is “Arc/Eternal” ?
-Maybe I’m a bit slower than other readers, but it took me a reread of the first little bit to understand what was happening. I think simply adding this to the beginning would help. Instead of:
"People keep saying, “What’s the problem? You’re a writer, aren’t you?” Yeah, I am…"
You could consider adding something like:
"People keep saying, “Hey Esther, what’s the problem? You’re a writer, aren’t you?” Yeah, I am…”
THAT way I would immediately know we are in her head without any friction at all.
-Also I really like Esther
-Is Adam based on….you?
-Two doctorates in Philosophy is a very fun detail that made me think way too much about all the great combinaseans that he may have done.
-Esther and Adam’s childhood sounds like a dream. No joke. This is what I always dreamed of but my parent’s couldn’t handle it. Such missed opportunity.
-Dour is the word of the week - thanks!
-Honestly kinda disappointed K&K didn’t become pro dancers immediately instead of more traditional boring athletes
-What a great story for getting banned from a team. Holy, I feel like I wasted my time in intramurals now
Super excited for next week!
Good idea -- it’s probably a good idea to signal in some way right at the outset that the narrator has changed.
Adam is NOT me. Sheesh.
I liked how Esther’s somewhat idyllic childhood compared to Jackson’s tragic one. And if you suspect that the dramatic trajectories sort of cross each other, you might be onto something.