Much like yourself, I'm not sure I've slipped in my commitment to the Notebook rule, but instead I'm not always being honest in what my intention actually is. I write intentions like “check emails”, which is lazy, and worse, a lie. Yes, I might need to check my emails, but with the intention of getting a hit. And as I said before, what's horrifying to me, is that I look for distraction not just from apps or social media, but within work itself. I suddenly realised that “check emails” can actually be code for secretly hoping that someone had written something annoying to me, so I could get worked up about something and feel some adrenaline.
So the commitment remains, I'm happy to say, and I have been using the notebook every day, even with the many slips you've described. Even better, you have pushed me down a whole new avenue of thought. I'm now taking the threat of dopamine and addiction far more seriously. Have you ever read Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke? It's a fun read about addiction and dopamine pathways and the dangers facing all of us. But I feel like some of the things she talks about in the book are things you've touched on here. So for example, she talks about the importance of radical honesty to help keep you off addiction (which I think your notebook rule definitely helps with) but she also talks about how commitment within a group can help people keep each other on track. So, thanks, in other words!
Follow up question: On what planet is it reasonable/sane to compare the commitment of marriage to veganism? When you cheat as a vegan, you're only hurting yourself. And the cow you ate, I suppose. Let me know when you get back from the unreasonable planet. This bears further discussion. 😉
P.S. Perhaps your last post wasn't as popular because you failed to respond to your MVRs comments!!!
I’m enjoying this series of reflections, Jordan, not least because I’m in the midst of a fairly substantial “reset” of many of my personal habits, occasioned by my slow-to-sink-in recognition that this body of mine, which I’ve abused a bit too much over the years, was going to need a different kind of care in the future. So I’ve started what I’m calling my next-stage revolution (echoing New Year’s resolutions): return to weightlifting (now 3 months in), removal of alcohol (5 weeks in), calorie restriction (practicing light touch now, with a heavier touch starting in February if needed). It’s all going to get tested in 3 weeks when I have my knee joint replaced, but my goal is to be back on a mountaintop within a year of the knee replacement. My goal is not 100% adherence to my guidelines ... but I’m pretty determined to be over 90%. We’ll see how it goes. That’s a very roundabout way of saying, thanks for these thoughts; they’re encouraging.
Bingo bango indeed. Not only did I need to hear this today but I definitely needed to be reminded of my words. God works in mysterious ways. I loved what you said about putting pen to paper. I'm so weird I have to have one that fits my grip and flows smoothly as I write in cursive. There's nothing that can replace that feeling. No matter how many times it ends up marked up with paragraph breaks, lines through whole passages, all of it. It's when the imposter syndrome kicks in with a case of the eff it's and before you know it scrolling or diving deep into a topic only to get sidetracked and give yourself the hamster wheel effect they want you on. Why is it easier to be committed to our spouses than committed to putting the digital dope down? I'm not in denial. I know I'm addicted, would I be as bad with a flip phone and just my lap top? Not sure, I don't know how I could grab an uber, check my email, look up directions or pay bills though. Make cell phones tools again not a distraction machine giving people biohacked warm blankets to avoid how bad everything is and waste time that you could be working with others to make it better. I can't even hang out with screen addicted people and is everyone and it affects our kids. It is the main complaint I have with my husband. I didn't get a smart phone until 2015 and just then used it for kindle books as I was into this whole if you don't know it go to the library and find it due to data collection and analytics targeting all of that. I think I teeter between tear it all down for the sake of humanity or make myself better so I can lead by example. I know I have to be better. It's getting there. Thank you for writing about this way better than I ever could have. 🙏
You spoke to my soul when you said "We are, at root, embodied creatures. Tangible rituals with analog tools can never be completely replaced by digital facsimiles -- there just isn't as much raw power in the ephemeral. Give me ink. Give me paper. Let me see my words bleed into the pulpy substrate. My hand and fingers crave the resistance of the pen as its tip drags across a clean white surface."
Responding to #1: Hmm, 100% commitment required stuff...
1. Commitment in Marriage means, at the bare minimum in my opinion, you don’t have affairs. Period. Your mind may/probably will wander, but you start there. Don’t set up visiting hours for those thoughts. You shut ‘em down asap. As a passionate artist person, I know, I REALLY KNOW how hard abstinence from sex can be, but “no sex outside of marriage” is a 100% kind of commitment in my faith. I had no idea how.many.years I’d end up trying that commitment out bc of my disastrous experience with marriage, but when a commitment sinks in deeply enough, it’s doable. Sustainable. Moments of torture pass and ...this is a LONG topic. So, moving on.
2. I don’t drink. At all. I come from a long line of alcoholics. Yeah, I experimented once after I made that commitment in my teens. I was 30. Decided again alcohol is not for me and it’s been 100% since then. If you’re an alcoholic, or could be, it’s gotta be 100%.
Rather than list anymore, I think there are degrees of things that “I commit to do.” Some, require 100%. Don’t want to be a murderer? The “thou shalt not kill” needs 100% commitment.
Most of our day-to-day commitments for what we’re trying to achieve and become can handle degrees. The higher the percentage of doing (or not doing) what one’s committed to, the easier it becomes and the more integral to who we are it becomes.
I’m committed to a healthier lifestyle. I suck at that at least 40% of the time but I’m gaining ground, so, while it’s not a “win” for me yet (my jeans remind me daily), I see and feel progress over 50% of the time.
“Moral relativism” is a highly problematic term and idea and what constitutes the keeping of a commitment can lose all meaning if there aren’t some absolutes. But for the BULK of what most of us struggle with, I’m in favor of the law of percentages. We give up too easily otherwise.
“I’m like a moth repeatedly headbutting a light bulb.”
My favourite analogy from all the various comments. So freaking true.
Much like yourself, I'm not sure I've slipped in my commitment to the Notebook rule, but instead I'm not always being honest in what my intention actually is. I write intentions like “check emails”, which is lazy, and worse, a lie. Yes, I might need to check my emails, but with the intention of getting a hit. And as I said before, what's horrifying to me, is that I look for distraction not just from apps or social media, but within work itself. I suddenly realised that “check emails” can actually be code for secretly hoping that someone had written something annoying to me, so I could get worked up about something and feel some adrenaline.
So the commitment remains, I'm happy to say, and I have been using the notebook every day, even with the many slips you've described. Even better, you have pushed me down a whole new avenue of thought. I'm now taking the threat of dopamine and addiction far more seriously. Have you ever read Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke? It's a fun read about addiction and dopamine pathways and the dangers facing all of us. But I feel like some of the things she talks about in the book are things you've touched on here. So for example, she talks about the importance of radical honesty to help keep you off addiction (which I think your notebook rule definitely helps with) but she also talks about how commitment within a group can help people keep each other on track. So, thanks, in other words!
MVP. Bongo Boingo.
Follow up question: On what planet is it reasonable/sane to compare the commitment of marriage to veganism? When you cheat as a vegan, you're only hurting yourself. And the cow you ate, I suppose. Let me know when you get back from the unreasonable planet. This bears further discussion. 😉
P.S. Perhaps your last post wasn't as popular because you failed to respond to your MVRs comments!!!
I’m enjoying this series of reflections, Jordan, not least because I’m in the midst of a fairly substantial “reset” of many of my personal habits, occasioned by my slow-to-sink-in recognition that this body of mine, which I’ve abused a bit too much over the years, was going to need a different kind of care in the future. So I’ve started what I’m calling my next-stage revolution (echoing New Year’s resolutions): return to weightlifting (now 3 months in), removal of alcohol (5 weeks in), calorie restriction (practicing light touch now, with a heavier touch starting in February if needed). It’s all going to get tested in 3 weeks when I have my knee joint replaced, but my goal is to be back on a mountaintop within a year of the knee replacement. My goal is not 100% adherence to my guidelines ... but I’m pretty determined to be over 90%. We’ll see how it goes. That’s a very roundabout way of saying, thanks for these thoughts; they’re encouraging.
Bingo bango indeed. Not only did I need to hear this today but I definitely needed to be reminded of my words. God works in mysterious ways. I loved what you said about putting pen to paper. I'm so weird I have to have one that fits my grip and flows smoothly as I write in cursive. There's nothing that can replace that feeling. No matter how many times it ends up marked up with paragraph breaks, lines through whole passages, all of it. It's when the imposter syndrome kicks in with a case of the eff it's and before you know it scrolling or diving deep into a topic only to get sidetracked and give yourself the hamster wheel effect they want you on. Why is it easier to be committed to our spouses than committed to putting the digital dope down? I'm not in denial. I know I'm addicted, would I be as bad with a flip phone and just my lap top? Not sure, I don't know how I could grab an uber, check my email, look up directions or pay bills though. Make cell phones tools again not a distraction machine giving people biohacked warm blankets to avoid how bad everything is and waste time that you could be working with others to make it better. I can't even hang out with screen addicted people and is everyone and it affects our kids. It is the main complaint I have with my husband. I didn't get a smart phone until 2015 and just then used it for kindle books as I was into this whole if you don't know it go to the library and find it due to data collection and analytics targeting all of that. I think I teeter between tear it all down for the sake of humanity or make myself better so I can lead by example. I know I have to be better. It's getting there. Thank you for writing about this way better than I ever could have. 🙏
You spoke to my soul when you said "We are, at root, embodied creatures. Tangible rituals with analog tools can never be completely replaced by digital facsimiles -- there just isn't as much raw power in the ephemeral. Give me ink. Give me paper. Let me see my words bleed into the pulpy substrate. My hand and fingers crave the resistance of the pen as its tip drags across a clean white surface."
Responding to #1: Hmm, 100% commitment required stuff...
1. Commitment in Marriage means, at the bare minimum in my opinion, you don’t have affairs. Period. Your mind may/probably will wander, but you start there. Don’t set up visiting hours for those thoughts. You shut ‘em down asap. As a passionate artist person, I know, I REALLY KNOW how hard abstinence from sex can be, but “no sex outside of marriage” is a 100% kind of commitment in my faith. I had no idea how.many.years I’d end up trying that commitment out bc of my disastrous experience with marriage, but when a commitment sinks in deeply enough, it’s doable. Sustainable. Moments of torture pass and ...this is a LONG topic. So, moving on.
2. I don’t drink. At all. I come from a long line of alcoholics. Yeah, I experimented once after I made that commitment in my teens. I was 30. Decided again alcohol is not for me and it’s been 100% since then. If you’re an alcoholic, or could be, it’s gotta be 100%.
Rather than list anymore, I think there are degrees of things that “I commit to do.” Some, require 100%. Don’t want to be a murderer? The “thou shalt not kill” needs 100% commitment.
Most of our day-to-day commitments for what we’re trying to achieve and become can handle degrees. The higher the percentage of doing (or not doing) what one’s committed to, the easier it becomes and the more integral to who we are it becomes.
I’m committed to a healthier lifestyle. I suck at that at least 40% of the time but I’m gaining ground, so, while it’s not a “win” for me yet (my jeans remind me daily), I see and feel progress over 50% of the time.
“Moral relativism” is a highly problematic term and idea and what constitutes the keeping of a commitment can lose all meaning if there aren’t some absolutes. But for the BULK of what most of us struggle with, I’m in favor of the law of percentages. We give up too easily otherwise.
MVR - And... through the website (neither app nor email)
I think people got so lost in your eyes for the Zoom post that they forgot to read the rest.
Also that pull quote is soooo good.
My followup question to you is how many questions did you go through until you decided on the bird's hollow bones one?