Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Mark Harbinger's avatar

Just got around to this (sorry). I'm sure you did fine on the contest.

"Turtled" as a verb made my day.

Fun story. Rather cheery ending. :-)

Expand full comment
Meg Oolders's avatar

Hi buddy.

Here's my note. The story starts when Eli enters the portal. Can you get us there faster? The introduction to Eli and where he is mentally, socially, etc. all comes out very effectively later in the story. I don't think we need it up front. It's enough the kid is trick-or-treating alone and then with a weirdo in a cardboard box for us to understand his plight. :-)

I'm sure you'll do this anyway, but comb for typos. There were a few. Also, one possible missed search and replace - toward the end "Jack" exited the box. I think Jack is Eli (from another dimension.) 😉🎃

Expand full comment
4 more comments...

No posts