1. I find that it’s often better to be specific about that kind of thing. It’s also a major facet of Jackson’s character and identity, which will be something that influences the story and informs his experiences throughout.
2. Interesting note. This whole bit was a riff on a joke I heard/told when I was a kid, so I just went with it. Any particular reason you think it should be a boy instead of a girl? I have the instinct that boys that age telling that kind of joke would automatically have it be a girl, as an added layer of othering the “subject” of the joke.
So glad you're into it! The first ten chapters are pretty different from what follows. I wanted to explore a quiet, introspective approach to introduce the two main characters (Jackson and Esther), and, if I'm being honest, see how much backstory readers might be willing to put up with before the action gets rolling. If you're willing, I hope you'll keep chiming in as you go, and let me know what your experience is like.
"I think this is a valley." "Sure is windy." BWAhahahahahah!!!!!! That just tickled me.
Also the "what they didn't know" paragraph. These entertaining little things endear him to me.
Picky-picky:
"...that put me IN stitches."
"Hey," needs a comma for "girl with no arms & legs joke."
"...unzipped and removed THE top part."
When you have a -- followed by end quotes, dumb autocorrect always writes it as open quotes. Highly annoying that we have to fix it every bloody time and super picky but...ya know. ;P
They're 11 yo boys. They're being assholes in a common 11 yo boy way. As a disabled person, the fact that they're making jokes about it makes me narrow my eyes at them and hope there is a reason for this tale beyond demonstrating Andre's humorous side. Because even as a kid I never found disabled jokes funny. I'm not saying that I hope you change it, especially if it's true to the characters and their environment. But all those warm fuzzies I had been developing just got a chink of reservation hammered into them because of who I am. Of course, I'm renowned as a "buzz kill who takes everything too seriously" so...just...you know. I will always be a sensitivity reader for you on these sorts of things. It absolutely makes them human and very familiar. I can picture them from here. (11 yo me longs to put scorpions down their pants and then sit back quietly, licking my claws and drinking tea as the sun arises on their screaming, arm-waving silhouettes running willy-nilly.)
But then they do this, which makes 11 yo me scratch the scorpions and curl up on my sleeping bag, head tilted and starry eyed as I watch them: Ohhhhhhh, geek-love under the stars. It really is important for loners to have that one friend who gets you. And who, even if they're not all hyperfixator down the rabbit hole too, will let you nerd out. But to have one who actually participates with it?? As Jack said. Precious.
You definitely know how to leave us hanging. 🤩
Reader curiosity: were his dreams at all indicative of the future? Will he become an astronaut? Will he find his mother? Will he lose track of indoor-boy in pursuit of his quests? Will bad things happen as a result of town dynamics? Will he fall asleep some night basking under the stars and forget to close up the tent, thus awakening with a new friend on his chest? That description was really vivid! Only one way to find out...
(For what I said last chapter: I'm still gathering data for eventual broad-stroke collating on the rhythm of the opening...)
Thanks for staying on top of those typos! I had no idea about the dash-quote problem. Super annoying. Just went through and fixed everything.
I get your discomfort around the jokes. They are blatantly offensive and deeply juvenile and DEFINITELY the product of 11-yr-old humor. I love that you had the experience of being disgusted by them, and then loving them -- we contain multitudes, even when we are 11. Maybe especially, since we haven't yet managed to calcify some version of ourselves that we think will be most likely to win whatever game we're playing in the world.
Precisely! I also enjoyed the experience. The sign of characters with depth: I don't love everything about them. I don't love everything they do--and I don't need to. (iI find the reverse is also true for antagonists.)
I need to put a note in future chapters that readers can navigate using the embedded "Previous" and "Next" buttons below the engagement buttons at the bottom of every post. It's easy to miss them, and I think most people do, but when they got introduced last year by Substack, I gave myself permission to stop retrofitting every post with navigation links of my own.
Wait, wait! Substack actually has that as a feature??? Where would one find this? And yeah...you can drive yourself crazy retrofitting old stuff. I just keep your story open on my browser, and it's certainly easy to figure out where I was. Especially when you wallop us like you did where I left off last...ahem! 😻🤓😻
Awesome second chapter - awesome to learn more about the characters and history that get us to where we are at for the rest of the book.
“We were too busy enjoying each others’ company, the way preteen boys do, unselfconscious and thrilled with the acceptance of a peer.”
WOW young me feels seen.
Especially with the joke that escalated pertaining to the girl with no arms. “Moral of the story” is a great way to tie that up in a bow haha
Crazy how similar Andre is to one of my childhood friends growing up.
Another beautiful line: "there was nothing between our faces and the rest of the Universe but a wisp of atmosphere.”
Okay annoyed we don’t meet Rita yet in this flashback. Two notes/questions at the end: 1. In the last chapter and this chapter are you worried it is a little too mormon-y? Is it valuable to maintain the Mormon distinction as opposed to a general christian/conservative angle? Just curious since I’m sure you thought of many different angles by now.
Also, the gender of the child who is without arms or legs - have you tried playing it as the two young boys making fun of another young boy vs a young girl? Curious as to your thoughts on if that changes anything, and if the change is better or worse.
1. I find that it’s often better to be specific about that kind of thing. It’s also a major facet of Jackson’s character and identity, which will be something that influences the story and informs his experiences throughout.
2. Interesting note. This whole bit was a riff on a joke I heard/told when I was a kid, so I just went with it. Any particular reason you think it should be a boy instead of a girl? I have the instinct that boys that age telling that kind of joke would automatically have it be a girl, as an added layer of othering the “subject” of the joke.
Very much enjoying this so far. I do a thing called "three-chapter reviews"...I'll probably do that for this.
Drop me a line. I love to chat with other authors (well, usually, ha ha).
Be well!
_Mark
So glad you're into it! The first ten chapters are pretty different from what follows. I wanted to explore a quiet, introspective approach to introduce the two main characters (Jackson and Esther), and, if I'm being honest, see how much backstory readers might be willing to put up with before the action gets rolling. If you're willing, I hope you'll keep chiming in as you go, and let me know what your experience is like.
"I think this is a valley." "Sure is windy." BWAhahahahahah!!!!!! That just tickled me.
Also the "what they didn't know" paragraph. These entertaining little things endear him to me.
Picky-picky:
"...that put me IN stitches."
"Hey," needs a comma for "girl with no arms & legs joke."
"...unzipped and removed THE top part."
When you have a -- followed by end quotes, dumb autocorrect always writes it as open quotes. Highly annoying that we have to fix it every bloody time and super picky but...ya know. ;P
They're 11 yo boys. They're being assholes in a common 11 yo boy way. As a disabled person, the fact that they're making jokes about it makes me narrow my eyes at them and hope there is a reason for this tale beyond demonstrating Andre's humorous side. Because even as a kid I never found disabled jokes funny. I'm not saying that I hope you change it, especially if it's true to the characters and their environment. But all those warm fuzzies I had been developing just got a chink of reservation hammered into them because of who I am. Of course, I'm renowned as a "buzz kill who takes everything too seriously" so...just...you know. I will always be a sensitivity reader for you on these sorts of things. It absolutely makes them human and very familiar. I can picture them from here. (11 yo me longs to put scorpions down their pants and then sit back quietly, licking my claws and drinking tea as the sun arises on their screaming, arm-waving silhouettes running willy-nilly.)
But then they do this, which makes 11 yo me scratch the scorpions and curl up on my sleeping bag, head tilted and starry eyed as I watch them: Ohhhhhhh, geek-love under the stars. It really is important for loners to have that one friend who gets you. And who, even if they're not all hyperfixator down the rabbit hole too, will let you nerd out. But to have one who actually participates with it?? As Jack said. Precious.
You definitely know how to leave us hanging. 🤩
Reader curiosity: were his dreams at all indicative of the future? Will he become an astronaut? Will he find his mother? Will he lose track of indoor-boy in pursuit of his quests? Will bad things happen as a result of town dynamics? Will he fall asleep some night basking under the stars and forget to close up the tent, thus awakening with a new friend on his chest? That description was really vivid! Only one way to find out...
(For what I said last chapter: I'm still gathering data for eventual broad-stroke collating on the rhythm of the opening...)
Thanks for staying on top of those typos! I had no idea about the dash-quote problem. Super annoying. Just went through and fixed everything.
I get your discomfort around the jokes. They are blatantly offensive and deeply juvenile and DEFINITELY the product of 11-yr-old humor. I love that you had the experience of being disgusted by them, and then loving them -- we contain multitudes, even when we are 11. Maybe especially, since we haven't yet managed to calcify some version of ourselves that we think will be most likely to win whatever game we're playing in the world.
Precisely! I also enjoyed the experience. The sign of characters with depth: I don't love everything about them. I don't love everything they do--and I don't need to. (iI find the reverse is also true for antagonists.)
PS That little On To The Next Chapter link you had earlier was super handy for we bingers.
I need to put a note in future chapters that readers can navigate using the embedded "Previous" and "Next" buttons below the engagement buttons at the bottom of every post. It's easy to miss them, and I think most people do, but when they got introduced last year by Substack, I gave myself permission to stop retrofitting every post with navigation links of my own.
Wait, wait! Substack actually has that as a feature??? Where would one find this? And yeah...you can drive yourself crazy retrofitting old stuff. I just keep your story open on my browser, and it's certainly easy to figure out where I was. Especially when you wallop us like you did where I left off last...ahem! 😻🤓😻
I loved this flashback chapter. Very relatable to my pre teen experience. Well written and beautiful, too!
Well thank you kindly, good sir! Hopefully future chapters don’t disappoint :)
Awesome second chapter - awesome to learn more about the characters and history that get us to where we are at for the rest of the book.
“We were too busy enjoying each others’ company, the way preteen boys do, unselfconscious and thrilled with the acceptance of a peer.”
WOW young me feels seen.
Especially with the joke that escalated pertaining to the girl with no arms. “Moral of the story” is a great way to tie that up in a bow haha
Crazy how similar Andre is to one of my childhood friends growing up.
Another beautiful line: "there was nothing between our faces and the rest of the Universe but a wisp of atmosphere.”
Okay annoyed we don’t meet Rita yet in this flashback. Two notes/questions at the end: 1. In the last chapter and this chapter are you worried it is a little too mormon-y? Is it valuable to maintain the Mormon distinction as opposed to a general christian/conservative angle? Just curious since I’m sure you thought of many different angles by now.
Also, the gender of the child who is without arms or legs - have you tried playing it as the two young boys making fun of another young boy vs a young girl? Curious as to your thoughts on if that changes anything, and if the change is better or worse.
Very excited for chapter 3, and hopefully Rita!