Picky picky: “Opportunity for me to answer any questions that might still hanging out …”
“Before I fell on my ass” needs a period.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😈 I was waiting for the avalanche and the perfectly aware response. Hoping. 😻 Oooookay, the plot thickens and interweaves. This is why I reserved opinion until I had more information.
Customarily it would be all “infodump backstory yada…pacing rehooking blada…” but you’re training me to know—without it I wouldn’t have instinctually trusted what Adam said so easily either, or believed so readily about her ability to infiltrate so successfully (I suggest some mention of being accustomed to walking in regular heels before hitting her with 3 inch stilettos, PLUS faking an adult persona. 3 inch are hard even if you’re used to heels. You have to do different stuff with your back even, not only the legs and feet and it’s really obvious if you’re not used to it. Easy mention: “the ridiculous difference adding just those couple inches from what she was used to for…I dunno, funerals? Weddings? Walking around in her mom’s heels on the sly?” An easy tidbit to help believability.
Annnyway…without the opening I wouldn’t believe it so easily. I also wouldn’t be having nearly as much fun. 😈 so yeah, an indicator that we’ve switched POV. Could name her from Sky’s first words, like was mentioned or do distinct name headers of the POV near the chapter titles, since you’re in multiple person 1st person. That’s a super easy way, esp if she and Jackson will ever start pinging and ponging back and forth.
Great notes. I'm going to try to find a way to signal POV earlier. I've been doing it in the summaries at the top, but not everyone needs to read those, so I'll have to throw a bone to the bingers (aka my favorite readers).
Hee heeeeeee...oh no. Pretty soon I'm gonna be one of those weeklies, waiting at the door like a puppy waiting for the bone-throw. Or else I'll have to do what I do with a few other serials - I make myself forget about it for awhile and then NOM NOM NOM NOMMMM...
Adam’s storage room and office are now my goal in life. To have a workspace that is literally a chameleon and no one (including me) really knows what it is going to be tomorrow, since it will all depend on how is coming by and for what purpose.
As soon as the text said that Esther was looking "for something [she] could stand on” I thought for sure there would be a tumble and it would cause her to fall. Just couldn’t decide if it would happen during the conversation of after.
In a high level sales/negotiation experience, usually Adam wouldn’t say "Look, if you want me to be totally honest with you” because psychologically there is a presupposition (probably the wrong word choice by me) that perhaps up to this point you haven’t been totally honest. Not a big deal, just saying. Perhaps you may be able to argue it is a double/triple/quadruple bluff kinda thing so he doesn’t appear to be a good sales person to another high level sales person? Ha anyway
Aaaaaand what a fun reward. Right after the convo it happened, and he knew the whole time. Double bingo baby!
Such a fun reveal for everything from Adam and what Esther’s potential to help is. However, I wish he got into some consequences of what happens if Earth can’t figure things out and join the Fellowship.
Also love the idea that Aliens are “everywhere buy here, thank-you-very-much”
"I secured a chip firmly onto my shoulder” = hilarious.
VERY fun chapter. Super intrigued for where Esther goes from here
Picky picky: “Opportunity for me to answer any questions that might still hanging out …”
“Before I fell on my ass” needs a period.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😈 I was waiting for the avalanche and the perfectly aware response. Hoping. 😻 Oooookay, the plot thickens and interweaves. This is why I reserved opinion until I had more information.
Customarily it would be all “infodump backstory yada…pacing rehooking blada…” but you’re training me to know—without it I wouldn’t have instinctually trusted what Adam said so easily either, or believed so readily about her ability to infiltrate so successfully (I suggest some mention of being accustomed to walking in regular heels before hitting her with 3 inch stilettos, PLUS faking an adult persona. 3 inch are hard even if you’re used to heels. You have to do different stuff with your back even, not only the legs and feet and it’s really obvious if you’re not used to it. Easy mention: “the ridiculous difference adding just those couple inches from what she was used to for…I dunno, funerals? Weddings? Walking around in her mom’s heels on the sly?” An easy tidbit to help believability.
Annnyway…without the opening I wouldn’t believe it so easily. I also wouldn’t be having nearly as much fun. 😈 so yeah, an indicator that we’ve switched POV. Could name her from Sky’s first words, like was mentioned or do distinct name headers of the POV near the chapter titles, since you’re in multiple person 1st person. That’s a super easy way, esp if she and Jackson will ever start pinging and ponging back and forth.
So fun. 😻
Great notes. I'm going to try to find a way to signal POV earlier. I've been doing it in the summaries at the top, but not everyone needs to read those, so I'll have to throw a bone to the bingers (aka my favorite readers).
Hee heeeeeee...oh no. Pretty soon I'm gonna be one of those weeklies, waiting at the door like a puppy waiting for the bone-throw. Or else I'll have to do what I do with a few other serials - I make myself forget about it for awhile and then NOM NOM NOM NOMMMM...
Adam’s storage room and office are now my goal in life. To have a workspace that is literally a chameleon and no one (including me) really knows what it is going to be tomorrow, since it will all depend on how is coming by and for what purpose.
As soon as the text said that Esther was looking "for something [she] could stand on” I thought for sure there would be a tumble and it would cause her to fall. Just couldn’t decide if it would happen during the conversation of after.
In a high level sales/negotiation experience, usually Adam wouldn’t say "Look, if you want me to be totally honest with you” because psychologically there is a presupposition (probably the wrong word choice by me) that perhaps up to this point you haven’t been totally honest. Not a big deal, just saying. Perhaps you may be able to argue it is a double/triple/quadruple bluff kinda thing so he doesn’t appear to be a good sales person to another high level sales person? Ha anyway
Aaaaaand what a fun reward. Right after the convo it happened, and he knew the whole time. Double bingo baby!
Such a fun reveal for everything from Adam and what Esther’s potential to help is. However, I wish he got into some consequences of what happens if Earth can’t figure things out and join the Fellowship.
Also love the idea that Aliens are “everywhere buy here, thank-you-very-much”
"I secured a chip firmly onto my shoulder” = hilarious.
VERY fun chapter. Super intrigued for where Esther goes from here