Dang I was getting super hopeful we were gonna meet Sky in this chapter
Dude the Dark Side of the moon stuff here and in real life are crazy to think about.
“But it’s hard to mount a surprise attack if your enemy can see you coming for years.” = very funny.
DANG I at first thought it would be nicknamed “Pizza Planet” because of being pizza-like, but then I was convinces it was a play on the word “Priezh” and one of the characters was just going to give up saying it correctly and refer to it as Pizza.
But marinara surface + mozzarella clouds sounds good too. M favorite pizza is Margherita pizza, an I’ve never wanted to eat it so early in the morning before now. Thanks.
HECK YEAH auto translating devices baby! I often fantasize about the day these are viable here. So sick. Excited for training to commence!
Ok cool. So this is a nifty way to do multiple first person! Jack’s POV is much more organic, in real time in his heart and body, versus Esther’s more removed, epistilary interview delivery, cued by Sky’s questions and Esther’s sharp voice. It weaves gradually into her real time while automatically cuing us up front whose head this is. VERY cool. Seamless. Bravo.
“ my grief was stolen by grand galactic drama.“ This and Deek’s reaction is awesome. Because yup. That’s what happens, and I’m now 100% willing to deviate from the human personal reaction to the loss into the bigger story you’re telling. Esp the way Esther delivers it.
Picky-picky for your polishing mode:
—Space-opera(h) bullshit.
—spoiler alert: in your synopsis here you told us their destination: dark side of the moon. But I don’t think we knew until Rita explains it here. Just…you know. Until I read the synopsis, in my mind we could have been headed anywhere.
—super picky word crap: “we could see”—not only the filter word of “see” but also “could.” Instead of just “the landscape did such and such.” I only automatically notice this now because of how many “search all n destroy” rounds I perform to obliterate Evil Filter Words in my own stuff when I’m in polishing mode. 🙃
—many words like “well” and “oh” traditionally use a comma.
—we got Poe’s name before he was introduced.
—Hmmm… terms like “people” occasionally throw me when speaking of alien races. Or is this an efficient translation equivalent, kinda like Avatar’s The People? Or a specific choice by Rita to give respect/familiarity/warmth to these no doubt shocking beings on first glance? And do all the ones labeled “he/she” have this particular configuration? Esp because we’re in Rita’s dialogue and Esther’s future head, looking back, it feels very human-centric whereas I’d imagine she’s not by the time she’s telling us these things. Jack’s real time head—it makes total sense.
I’m intrigued by your choice to put Terran translation into italics, instead of Poe’s foreign-to-us words. *Spockly eyebrow* Fascinating… When on Priezh… 🤓🧐🤩
What a visceral reaction to too many stars! I felt that one. I’m not a tech geek—not at all my wheelbase. So don’t look to me for accuracy, but as the clueless body-based Artiste dancer-girl, the spaceship, alien world, and travel make sense to me. Im super excited that you’re using zero-point. I goggle and grin with imagining!
Oooh I love a worldbuilding-heavy chapter like this! The info was delivered very well too, it didn't feel like too much tell at any point & I'm excited to learn more about this new planet.
I wonder how you went about researching all this? Being in the middle of my own space opera novel, I'd appreciate any tips. ^^; Your choice of propulsion, for example, is quite interesting...
While I'm far from any kind of expert who might catch loop-holes in your descriptive powers, I AM, nevertheless, deeply impressed! Curious about what's next, but happily for now, wandering around in the imagery of the trip to and introduction of Pizza Planet/Priezh. Love that title and how it sent my mind into a delightfully silly, speculative place only to be slammed back to serious with a grieving sister's rage.
I wondered for about a second why Rita left them so abruptly, after being a something of a motherly support since they'd met. But in the next second remembered she had serious work to do.
Not being able to predict what's next and the opportunities to visualize, reflect and ponder = a story that's holding my attention despite a week in between each chapter and a head cold that's otherwise making reading a chore right now.
PS: pointing out how predictable humans are when faced with physical discomfort is a perfect place for this chapter to end as we mentally follow the 3, shivering and scampering off to catch up with the giant "alien."
Dang I was getting super hopeful we were gonna meet Sky in this chapter
Dude the Dark Side of the moon stuff here and in real life are crazy to think about.
“But it’s hard to mount a surprise attack if your enemy can see you coming for years.” = very funny.
DANG I at first thought it would be nicknamed “Pizza Planet” because of being pizza-like, but then I was convinces it was a play on the word “Priezh” and one of the characters was just going to give up saying it correctly and refer to it as Pizza.
But marinara surface + mozzarella clouds sounds good too. M favorite pizza is Margherita pizza, an I’ve never wanted to eat it so early in the morning before now. Thanks.
HECK YEAH auto translating devices baby! I often fantasize about the day these are viable here. So sick. Excited for training to commence!
Ok cool. So this is a nifty way to do multiple first person! Jack’s POV is much more organic, in real time in his heart and body, versus Esther’s more removed, epistilary interview delivery, cued by Sky’s questions and Esther’s sharp voice. It weaves gradually into her real time while automatically cuing us up front whose head this is. VERY cool. Seamless. Bravo.
“ my grief was stolen by grand galactic drama.“ This and Deek’s reaction is awesome. Because yup. That’s what happens, and I’m now 100% willing to deviate from the human personal reaction to the loss into the bigger story you’re telling. Esp the way Esther delivers it.
Picky-picky for your polishing mode:
—Space-opera(h) bullshit.
—spoiler alert: in your synopsis here you told us their destination: dark side of the moon. But I don’t think we knew until Rita explains it here. Just…you know. Until I read the synopsis, in my mind we could have been headed anywhere.
—super picky word crap: “we could see”—not only the filter word of “see” but also “could.” Instead of just “the landscape did such and such.” I only automatically notice this now because of how many “search all n destroy” rounds I perform to obliterate Evil Filter Words in my own stuff when I’m in polishing mode. 🙃
—many words like “well” and “oh” traditionally use a comma.
—we got Poe’s name before he was introduced.
—Hmmm… terms like “people” occasionally throw me when speaking of alien races. Or is this an efficient translation equivalent, kinda like Avatar’s The People? Or a specific choice by Rita to give respect/familiarity/warmth to these no doubt shocking beings on first glance? And do all the ones labeled “he/she” have this particular configuration? Esp because we’re in Rita’s dialogue and Esther’s future head, looking back, it feels very human-centric whereas I’d imagine she’s not by the time she’s telling us these things. Jack’s real time head—it makes total sense.
I’m intrigued by your choice to put Terran translation into italics, instead of Poe’s foreign-to-us words. *Spockly eyebrow* Fascinating… When on Priezh… 🤓🧐🤩
What a visceral reaction to too many stars! I felt that one. I’m not a tech geek—not at all my wheelbase. So don’t look to me for accuracy, but as the clueless body-based Artiste dancer-girl, the spaceship, alien world, and travel make sense to me. Im super excited that you’re using zero-point. I goggle and grin with imagining!
Oooh I love a worldbuilding-heavy chapter like this! The info was delivered very well too, it didn't feel like too much tell at any point & I'm excited to learn more about this new planet.
I wonder how you went about researching all this? Being in the middle of my own space opera novel, I'd appreciate any tips. ^^; Your choice of propulsion, for example, is quite interesting...
While I'm far from any kind of expert who might catch loop-holes in your descriptive powers, I AM, nevertheless, deeply impressed! Curious about what's next, but happily for now, wandering around in the imagery of the trip to and introduction of Pizza Planet/Priezh. Love that title and how it sent my mind into a delightfully silly, speculative place only to be slammed back to serious with a grieving sister's rage.
I wondered for about a second why Rita left them so abruptly, after being a something of a motherly support since they'd met. But in the next second remembered she had serious work to do.
Not being able to predict what's next and the opportunities to visualize, reflect and ponder = a story that's holding my attention despite a week in between each chapter and a head cold that's otherwise making reading a chore right now.
PS: pointing out how predictable humans are when faced with physical discomfort is a perfect place for this chapter to end as we mentally follow the 3, shivering and scampering off to catch up with the giant "alien."