Shadowloss - Part 7/7

We're still here.

This is the final chapter of “Shadowloss,” a serialized novella. If you need to catch up or refresh, find:

• Part 1 here

• Part 2 here

• Part 3 here

• Part 4 here

• Part 5 here

• Part 6 here

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[Est. reading time: 8 minutes]

The next day, after turning down Suds' offer to escape with him to some kind of family compound in Wyoming, I went foraging through a bunch of grocery stores for food. Most of what I got was processed -- lots of sodium and sugar and trans fats, but it was the best I could do. I got enough to last about a week, and hoped things might go back to normal before I ran out. Hindsight is a bitch, I know.

Anyway, I also got a phone, which was easier, because apparently people don't hoard small electronics during an apocalypse.

I called Thea first because I still hadn't heard back, but her mailbox was full. From everything I've told you about my sister, you can guess how much this worried me. I decided it was time to call my parents again.

Don't get me wrong, I like my parents just fine. It was just that the thought of getting into the mess of everything that had happened, that was currently happening, had me looking for excuses. But my anxiety about Thea didn't leave room for negotiation, so I called my mom (whose judgement I feared less), and waited. She didn't pick up, so I called my dad, who picked up on the first ring.

"Reg," he said as though he'd been expecting me.

"Hi dad."

"Are you OK?"

The earnest simplicity of his question clamped my throat. "Yeah," I lied, then swallowed back the lump. "Have you heard from Thea?"

"No, not since this whole thing started."

I sat down. Then, because it would be been pretty rude not to, I caught him up as briefly as possible on all the recent tragedies I'd endured.

"We lost our shadows a few days ago," he told me. "Thought it was a hoax. The world's been insane for so long you don't know what to believe. But then I found your mother outside one morning, pulling some weeds out of the new sod we laid down last summer, and she looked strange. Took me a long minute to figure out why."

I tried to imagine the two of them looking around for their shadows and it was so pitiful I couldn't stand it.

"Has it started with the trees?" he said.

I blinked. "What?"

"The shade from the trees. People are saying our shadows are cutting them down and taking them away, but..." He shrugged out a sigh like a surrender.

"People are saying our shadows are cutting down trees?"

"No, shadows of the trees. Whole forests, apparently. All over the state. People started noticing it yesterday. Not sure if it's made the news out where you are."

"Have you seen it? In person?"

"Oh yeah. Bunch of the trees downtown. Attracted a crowd at first, but people are mostly just avoiding them now."

I tried to imagine a world where you couldn't get any shade. Would it stop at trees?

I considered asking him if he'd seen any shadow holes, like the one in the video, but decided not to. Instead, I asked him to let me know right away if he heard anything from Thea.

"Of course. And you do the same. And Reg?"

"Yeah, dad."

"You're welcome to...to come back here if you want to. Might be a good idea, considering."

"Thanks, dad. Tell mom I love her."

After I hung up, the house was very quiet. I realized with a shock that I missed the Odies. I'd have happily let them trample all over the floors. But Kat had taken them with her when she left.

I dialed her number. She didn't answer at first, but she called me back before I could leave a message.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey. Are you OK? Thea told me what happened."

"Yeah, I'm back home now."

A little bit of pained silence stretched itself between us.

"I'm sorry I'm not there," she finally said.

"It's OK."

"I couldn't... I don't know."

I nodded as though she were in the room. "You're with your parents?"

"Seemed like the right thing."

I nodded again. "Yeah."

More silence.

"It wasn't working," she started. "But I'm sorry for..."

"It's OK--"

"No. I'm sorry I lied to you. You didn't deserve that."

"I miss you." The words embarrassed me on their way out of my mouth, but there it was. Absence makes the heart grow stupider, as the saying goes, I think.

"I miss you too, Reg." I knew she didn't really mean it, but it was still a comfort to hear. "Are you gonna be OK? With everything that's going on?"

"Yeah," I said. "I'll be alright."

"Let me know if you need anything?"

"Sure. Same."

"Of course," she said. "Thank you for calling. We'll talk later."

And then she hung up.

And then the next thing to do was to cry. So I cried until I was done, which took a little while.

Things got bad. But you know all that. Like a lot of people, I stayed holed up in my house. Alone and depressed and scared. Like most people.

There's a theory going around that our shadows went off to build their own world, a shadow world, without us. This makes sense to me, considering what I remember from that park the first day. I think my shadow was an early recruit. He went out, those first days, and recruited more. Until, apparently, it was all of them.

Then they came back for our trees' shadows. And now our buildings, and houses, and cars. This morning, I woke up with the sun in my eyes, shining straight through my roof. For a few terrible hours, I was pretty sure I was dead. I wandered through my whole house looking for a spot of shade, but couldn't find any. The hard light of the afternoon sun cut through the trees and walls and roof like they weren't even there. The only way to avoid it was to keep it at my back.

Which is how I saw my own shadow slide right up onto the wall in front of me.

I jumped up and shouted at first. My shadow stood still. Waiting.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I growled. As far as I knew, other people's shadows hadn't come back to visit. But then, good information is getting harder to come by, so who knows. Maybe this is normal.

Either way, I was in no mood to hang out with this prick.

For a few seconds, we just stared at each other. Or anyway, that's how it seemed. Very difficult to read a shadow's nonverbal cues.

Eventually, he raised his arm and pointed. When I looked to see what he was pointing at, I saw a shadow hole. No mistaking it. Right there in the corner of my living room, a yawning absence of light.

My first reaction was the kind of instant terror you might feel if you looked over and spotted a wasp the size of a pony perched on your couch. My whole body froze for a few seconds, heart pounding in my chest like a caged jackal.

I thawed with a prickling chill and let out a long breath, then forced myself to back to my shadow, who was still pointing.

This was an invitation.

As angry as I was, and as much as this situation terrified me, I was also tempted. As far as I know, no one who has gone through one of these things has ever come back. But then, what have they left behind? Maybe there's something better on the other side. Maybe it's oblivion.

And what's the alternative? To stay here. To waste away in an unshaded world.

Did Thea get an invitation like this? Did she disappear through a shadow hole? Would I find her on the other side?

Naturally, you're wondering if I went through, and then came back to tell the tale.

I spare you the suspense. I didn't go.

Why? Because I'm tired of running away from hard things. My shadow was offering me an escape, which makes sense: isn't that what he did? What all our shadows did? They didn't like the way things were going in this world, so they bailed. Maybe that's an unfair characterization, but what are we supposed to think? And now they're taking the shade from our trees, our homes. I mean come on.

But this isn't about them, it's about us. Or I guess it's really just about me.

Here's what I know: It's easy to lose your fight when things are easy. Things were too easy for me. Well, they're not easy anymore, and I'm ready to fight. I'm not even sure what that means, but you can bet your ass I'm gonna figure it out. I've still got people here. We've all still got people here, because we're still here.

Yeah, things are falling apart. I hate it. Everyone hates it. But this, this is my world. This is our world. Whatever shape it's in, it's up to us to make it better.

There's no one else. Even our shadows left! Fine. We'll figure out how to cast better ones.

Who's with me?

---

The end!

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